小编在之前收集到了3篇沪友写作的雅思小作文，并由昂立教育副院长高胜长老师为大家修改作文！
昂立学院副院长高胜长老师的简介：
•高胜长:昂立学院副院长&教学院长、昂立托福雅思培训中心校长、英语语言文学硕士，毕业于上海外国语大学英语学院，有8年丰富的外事翻译和近20年成绩斐然的英语教学经验，是蜚声上海滩培训界的重量级名师，获得过上海外国语大学最高奖－宝钢教育奖，Sino-Foreign英语教学研讨会优秀论文第一名并主持会议讨论，出版了《雅思写作8分直达》、《中级口译辅导教程》、《高级口译辅导教程》、《大学英语阅读理解解密－四级篇》、《大学英语阅读理解解密－六级篇》、《练就超级英语口语》、《英语词汇4000超强记忆》、《昂立全能英语》、《雅思写作冲刺》、《新托福写作冲刺》、《托雅极速英语》1－4级等20余本教学畅销书。
沪江网雅思频道访谈之雅思作文名师修改
题目：
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The tale below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
沪友“暗夜之心”的作文：
The table shows the proportion of different types of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
There are about 1,837,000 people living in poverty, （注意：这里有两个句子，要注意标点符号）it accounts for 11% of all households people（去掉people）. The smallest number of people living in poverty is (改为was) about 48000, which just gain (改为过去时态) the minimum percentage of 4% of aged couple group. And the number to（改为of）single aged person（改为people） is about 54000 which is close to the aged couple, but it takes 6% of single aged person group. Then the numbers to (改为of) other groups have a sharp increase. Though there is 7% of couple with no children living in a rough life, the number is 211,000, which is almost four point five times as much as （添加that of）aged couple. The couple with children group has the largest number of people in the six groups, which is 933,000 almost half of all poor people. And the sole parent living in poverty is 232,000, (添加and) it is of the highest percentage in all groups which is 21%.
昂立教育副院长高胜长老师：时态方面有些没注意，因为时间背景是1999年，所以，以用过去时为宜。句型方面有些太刻意使用定语从句，而且位置、句式都较为单一，应该更多样化一些。总体感觉是写得多少有些乱。
沪友“jinran113”的作文：
The table provides information about the proportion of people from each household type living in poverty in Australia in 1999.There are 7 types of household including single aged person, aged couple, single and no children, couple and no children, sole parent, couple with no children and all households.
On the top of the list is the type of sole parent, which takes up 21% and shows that this type is the poorest one. The condition of single and no children household is only a little better than sole parent household, only 2% less than the poorest one. Then the percentages of the following types go down. Couple with children and all households, takes (改为taking) up 12% and 11%（添加respectively）, are in the middle of all types. At last, the figure reach (用过去时好) its lowest point in（改为at） 4% --- aged couple household. We can easily see that aged people are the least ones living in poverty as aged couple type takes up 6%,only 2% more than single aged person. Children families（改为Families with children）, if it is a couple parents family, the condition will be (用过去时) more（去掉more） better than it with only sole parent as the figure are 12% and 21%.The situation of no children family （添加was）just like children families.
To sum up. Aged household types, both single and couple, have the lowest percentages of living in poverty. Single and no children and sole parent households' living condition are much worse than couple ones.
昂立教育副院长高胜长老师：可以定为6分。语言比较通畅，也有很明显的对比，线索也清晰。
沪友“SteNyCAT”的作文：
In 1999, （把这个时间放到本句的最后面，并请思考：为什么这样做？） a survey shows（添加：the proportion of ）the (去掉the) different categories of families living in poverty in Australia.
The survey devided the categories into 7 kinds of family type. They inquiried about 3315 thousand of families（数字表达不对吧？）. The sole parent type is the most effect（用词有问题吧？） by the poverty problem（讲不通吧？）, almost 21%of the 232,000 sole parent families are suffering from poverty. The 2ed is the single, no children family type, （改为句号）19% of the 359,000families are suffering （添加from）the poverty. Follow（添加ing） is the couple with children type（12 % of 933,000) and the all households type (11% of 1,837,000).The proportion of couple, no children type and the aged couple merely the same as 7%of 211,000 and 6%54,000. The aged couple type is the least suffer（这个说法问题可真大了） type, only 4%of 48,000 families are facing the poverty problem.
昂立教育副院长高胜长老师：语言错误较多，单词拼写错误也多，描述较为单调。
多谢昂立教育名师
对我们沪友作文的修改！
