雅思作文你来写我来改【第九期】

沪江网雅思频道访谈之雅思作文名师修改

题目：

In recent years, university graduates find it harder to obtain a decent job. Consequently, it is suggested that university teachers should put more emphasis on utilitarian courses such as computer, business and so on while focusing less on the traditional basic courses such as history, geography and so on. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the suggestions?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

红色笔迹为昂立托福雅思中心陈智老师的批改！

沪友A的作文：

More and more university students recently have failed to find a decent job after graduating(改为graduation) in China. Students complain that they spend （加入）too much time on a great number of ineffectual courses which have been（加入） set out by their universities. A suggestion has therefore been claimed that universities should emphasize on courses of computer and business instead of history and geography.

Some people strongly support that universities should change the courses. First of all, China（Chinese）society has been changing rapidly but students in different generations are still offered with the same courses. Many new industries have been appearing and they need people who have sound knowledge of them. The traditional courses are now unsuitable for the Chinese new industries. Secondly, universities should at least shrink the amount of history and geography lessons because these sorts of courses are actually for people who will work on further research fields, and they should offer more computer and business courses instead, because computers are applied to the most of industries and Chinese economy is booming by business running.

However, not all people agree with the change. Some people criticize students who did not study hard in their schooling must hardly succeed on jobs as well. The problem is not the match between courses and jobs and it is just students themselves.

To conclude, there are many causes for unemployed students though, offering suitable courses is one of solutions that universities should give to. People should encourage students to work harder and universities should take their own responsibilities for course changing and training.

评析：本文写的不错，观点和思路都能通过很好的句型组织和表达。仅有少量语法和措辞需要改进。

沪友B的作文：

Overall, I disagree with the opinion expressed. I would like to begin by pointing out that "obtaining a decent job" is just the task that students should do it (去掉) themselves. In my opinion, civilizing people and educating students are the main missions（改为responsibilities更好） for universities. If students want to acquire（改为find更好） good jobs, they should spend more time and do more studies by themselves to prepare for the challenges they will face in the future, and should not just relying (用动词原形) on the university’s courses only.

Assume teachers replace the History courses with Computer courses, and thus students will learn more about computer, can type rapidly, can (去掉) use Word, Excel well, and even they can（去掉） solve some computer system errors. However, they will know few about the history. Though history perhaps can hardly help one obtaining (动词原形) a decent job out of history area, it is an essential part students should learn because it is not an accepetable fact qualified（去掉qualified） that an educated person who even（去掉） barely knows the past about his own homeland. In addition, it will bring a big trouble if university does that, it will be a vicious circle which makes people know less and less about history, even probably makes us lose our traditional culture.

Although university is a place where（改为which） lectures knowledge and teaches various skills, it is not a place where（改为which） makes students to（去掉） own（改为find） good jobs, that（改为which） is the key point everyone should understand. Therefore, students should do more researches on their interesting positions, and plan some constructive schemes, in addition, using their leisure time to do more work for their own future.

评析：本文语法方面还需要加强。单词用法仍需要进一步积累。

沪友C的作文：

With social development, especially rising（给为increasingly fierce更佳） competition, more and more graduates cannot find a job that they like and have a good pay. Some people account this for course setting. They suggest that courses students studied should be associated with job-hunting, that is to say, inclining to application, while traditional courses such as history, geography should be less focused on.（在第一段最好同时给出自己的观点）

Indeed, courses such as computer, business are closely in pace with the social development. Graduates who studied these courses may find it not difficult（改为comparatively easy更佳） to get a relevant job. But over-emphasized（改为emphasizing） it is not a good way to help graduates find a job. For example, when graduates participate in an interview, the employers may ask questions not only on computer or business, but also something else that can reflect your whole ability. So we’d better study something about history, geography and so on to cope with this situation. Also, do（改为whether） you do a good job and get along well with your colleagues are（改为is） still a question if university teachers pay more attention to their specialty（改为professional） courses, neglecting other courses that is（are） helpful to（改为for） students. And if they don’t, is it a decent job for them? Studying history may help you know how to deal with problems and even it can be regarded as a chatting material to help you get along well with your partners.

In turn, of course, focus（加上ing） more on traditional courses may lead to a fact that graduates can hardly find a job because they cannot catch up（改为keep pace更佳） with the social development. They should study some computer , business knowledge and compound（改为integrate 或 combine更佳） them with their major. In this way, they can fully develop their major on the basis of new technology in their field.

In my opinion, over-emphasized（emphasizing） on either traditional courses or new courses is not a good way to help graduates find a decent job. We should weigh the connection between them and raise our whole ability. Only in this way can we find a decent job in future.

评析：本文思路较清晰，语法方面还需加强。

沪友D的作文：

In the past, most universities just afford（offered/taught） lessons about theoretical knowledge. This situation has changed in recent years, when many graduates do not know how to find the（改为an） appropriate job. Many schools have opened more practical courses to teach the necessary skills. So some people argue that the teachers should teach more subjects about computer, accounting than math, history. In my opinion, this argument is too simplistic.

In the modern society, it is obvious that young adults should shoulder the responsibility of caring their family members, so they need good jobs in order to afford the huge cost. For one thing, these narrow subjects really can give them opportunities to find better jobs. Moreover, the society needs numerous people specialized in many fields and it requires for（去掉） professional skills as well. The students can learn knowledge through these practical subjects. On the other hand, if the people specialized in sports lost his job, he can hardly find other jobs which are different from previous ones, because he does not understand math, history, chemistry and other things. It seems that a general education is better for the students.

The general education aims to produce students with integrity. It not only inculcates knowledge, but also instills moral values and principles. These basic subjects can promote the students’ physical, mental and emotional development. I can hardly imagine that all those professionals who just study several subjects are cool men. These subjects can broaden their eyes and foster their creativities. These courses may give students motivation to do new things and teach them how to think independently. Since the school is a society in miniature, it cannot only give the young adults knowledge, but also tell them how to become a successful person.